WAITING
The stage opens on a park bench on a sunny day.
DAVID sits, watching passers-by. He appears in the
mode of post-college urban vagabond.
JENNIFER enters from offstage, carrying her lunch
in one hand and a paperback book in another. She
is clearly an off-duty cube-dweller, looking for a
bit of peace in a corporate life. Seeing DAVID on
the bench, she hesitates, passes, and crosses
opposite, offstage. DAVID notes with some interest
as she passes.
She returns shortly with a frustrated look,
passing back by the park bench. Her search for an
empty bench is thwarted, and she pauses to
consider DAVID and his bench. She decides and
sits.
A pause as she opens her book, removes a sandwich,
and begins her lunch.
DAVID
(waves and smiles)
JENNIFER
(nervously returns same)
DAVID watches someone pass. He does this with a
deal of muttering, note-taking, and evident
enjoyment. JENNIFER watches this process out of
the corner of her eye.
DAVID
Hey, uh--
JENNIFER
(nervously)
What?
DAVID
I, uh... nothing. Do you know what time it is?
JENNIFER
(checks her watch)
Half-past.
DAVID
Right, thanks.
JENNIFER smiles and returns eagerly to her book.
DAVID begins avidly to follow the passers-by. His
commentary becomes barely audible in the following
moments, culminating in an excited burst of
laughter. JENNIFER, as one might expect, is
suspicious of this behaviour.
DAVID
(noticing her notice)
Sorry... On your lunch-hour?
JENNIFER
Yes.
(against her better judgement)
You?
DAVID
People watching.
A beat.
JENNIFER
Wait, what?
DAVID
I'm watching people.
JENNIFER
Who?
DAVID
People... y'know, people, just... people walking past,
in the park.
JENNIFER
Riiiight.
(begins to gather her lunch and leave,
can't help but ask)
You're really just sitting here, watching people?
DAVID
Pretty much.
JENNIFER
pretty much?
DAVID
Well, sometimes I walk around a little.
JENNIFER
But... It's... That's just... Why?
DAVID
(humorous deadpan)
I'm a serial killer.
(JENNIFER laughs, in spite of herself)
No, really, I read the handbook. Bundy wrote a lot of
it, he's quite good. Part of the whole serial-killer
aesthetic is sitting in the park, picking out your
victims. Traditionally speaking, I should be wearing a
black hat, but I'm kind of cheap.
JENNIFER
(essaying with caution)
I guess the Fraternal Brotherhood of Psychopath's will
have to cite you for union violations.
DAVID
Let them bitch, I never paid my union dues in the first
place.
They laugh.
JENNIFER
Seriously though--
DAVID
Only if I have to be.
JENNIFER
Why watch people in a park? I mean, it's not like their
all that interesting.
DAVID
Really?
JENNIFER
Really.
DAVID
Pick one.
JENNIFER
Pick one what?
DAVID
Pick one of these oh-so-interesting people, and I'll
tell you how they can be quite so interesting.
JENNIFER
(checking her watch, smiling)
Oh-Kay... Fine, why not. Why not try...
next fragment
DAVID
and she comes to sit in the park every day at lunchtime
to--
JENNIFER
pick up a new set of de-crypted cables from her contact
DAVID
to send back to her handler behind the IRON CURTAIN!!!
JENNIFER
or she could be picking up a dossier on a new contract
hit
DAVID
(spotting something)
or spying on a clandestine diplomatic meeting
(pointing)
JENNIFER
What, those two? By the pond? HAH! The duck pond of
detente.
DAVID
Buh-dum Psh!
JENNIFER
(long pause)
Maybe... Maybe she comes down here because it's the
only sunlight she gets to see in the day. Because
Monday through Friday for four years she's come down
here to the same park bench and eaten the same lunch.
DAVID
Always the same?
JENNIFER
The food changes, but it always tastes the same. And no
matter what she does, she can't figure out how to
change it. She'll always be here.
Long, maudlin pause.
DAVID
Naaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
(any long, emphatic sound of negation
will do)
JENNIFER
What?
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