What a nice young woman...

I received a call from Rachel today. A very nice young woman, Rachel wanted to speak to me in regards to "my current credit card." This was a bit confusing, since I do not have a credit card in my name, but this kind young woman assured me that there was no problem... yet. In her steady, mechanically aided cadence she informed me that I should listen on for more information on how to combat my credit card debt and find affordable consolidation for my credit woes. It was very comforting, in the same way that being told that, by simply relinquishing your wallet, you can avoid being stabbed by a stranger on the street. At no time did this fine, pre-recorded specimen of the voice-acting profession even HINT that perhaps I, and by extension my fellow countrymen, should maybe slow down on the credit card spending. Never once was I encouraged to pursue a life of... no, don't say frugality, but rather conservative spending practice. No, the idea that someone will be there to bail me out of my own troubles at all times was reinforced by this mysterious stranger with her easy to remember phone number ("Blocked").
Listen carefully, friends, for the sound of her melodic ringtone. Wait, if you will, with bated breath for her message of hope and light. Never fear, my compatriots, my brothers and sisters in fiscal irresponsibility, for there is salvation: The machines are here to eat our debt!